Monday, 22 April 2013


Seriously, go home paisley print and shearling gilets. You are not invited to my party and you can't sit with us.

Yes, the Jamba Juice swigging hipsters of yesteryear are grinding on my nerves like Camembert on a grater at a wine tasting party. They're deceivingly expensive and they smell funny.

To me, nothing seems less appealing than looking like an underwashed teenager with a pretentious affinity for playing the starving artist and the sartorial imagination of an oak tree.

No, Boho. You are a no no.

Here are 3 ways to ditch the longstanding Bo-NO addiction and cruise into SS13 a brand new woman:

All Topshop

Marc Jacobs said go graphic, so go graphic. Lock paisley away where it belongs - unless of course you're working with the new neon fusion prints of the season - and go for a more grown up, sophisticated look. I guarantee people won't throw pennies at you when you're lunching on the curb in Covent Garden.

All Asos

It's Spring, which means you can ditch the countless tubs of Vaseline, chunky snoods and poorly manufactured umbrellas (I hope). In turn, this means you can ditch your baggy totes for something far more feminine and easier to carry. The clutch. You'll look much less like a hippy Gandalf. Score! Although your heinously expensive chiropractor may be out of pocket.

All River Island

Luckily for you, denim is in this season. You can keep that. But no mismatched patchwork.

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